this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
