drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well you can't waste a boner
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
