Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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