you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
