You just made me feel so damn special
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize