Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize