yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
