Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize