If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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