At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
