i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
