I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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