You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
