Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she peed on how many people?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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