Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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