Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
