This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
