i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
