I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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