Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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