capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They have beer where we have blood.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize