I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
