You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
