yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
