On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
