The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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