I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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