i dont even know how to be here
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
