I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
