Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
