and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize