Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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