why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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