someone owes me an orgasm
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
