I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
