i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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