Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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