Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
as a side note pls kill me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
