one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
