he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
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