I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
