Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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