You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We have started to decorate penises.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
