if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i came on her dog
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
