I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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