I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
