hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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