Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
