Christians are straight up FREAKS
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
