This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
