If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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