piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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