dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
