I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
