its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
