What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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