the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
