Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
