Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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