Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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