He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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