i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
