the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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