That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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