So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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