soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
