i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
