Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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