they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
