I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
