You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
