he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize