She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
