3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
