Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
