whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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