I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
