What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
